In this age of AI and influencers and even AI influencers, authenticity has become a bit of a buzzword. I have been hearing it a lot in art and creator spaces, and it has different meanings for different people which is fine. For me, it pushes me to be more open and vulnerable about my struggles and strengths. I try to not just make my blog and social media about my wins and a highlight reel, but show my losses and frustrations. Mind you, really personal or financial stuff I do not post about. Some things just need to be private. But day to day things, bad moods, lack of confidence or selling a piece of art all have their place for discussion. 

When I post my art, I try to attach a personal meaning to it. At least some explanation as to where it came from. If I'm honest, I'll tell you I don't always immediately know. Sometimes something is just something weird I saw in my head. So I don't have a deep meaning behind it. Other times it has a really personal meaning. It just varies.

I see a lot of people teaching courses on how to succeed at selling art. Sales pitches, social media strategies and ad strategies. I've looked into some of these things, but it feels too much like I'm commodifying my mental health and art. I guess I am to a point if I'm selling art and talking about my mental health. I'm that much self aware. I'm also aware enough to know when people want to buy art, they want to connect with it in some way. If I'm just a faceless void posting art with no story, then what is there to connect with.

I've seen some people say not to “explain” my art because its up to the viewers interpretation. This is valid, and maybe for some artists that works. One thing I will say is hard is discussing my art in person. At in person shows, people ask about my art or the Artsy Brain and talking about mental health and actually have to express verbally instead of in writing on the internet is much more awkward for me. Not that I'm embarrassed. Its that writing out words is more like talking to my internal monologue versus hearing myself say it out loud.

One could just say every artist and creator has their own strategy and that is fair. My thing is with so much AI slop all over the internet and social media, I think artists who show their realness and are vulnerable in their work are the ones who have a chance in this current environment. People are craving authentic and real art and music and connections. AI doesn't have feelings, or experiences or compassion or pain. It just has data and numbers and algorithms. Sure, it can spit out some look a like or sound a like things that may seem cool on the surface. I've fallen for some AI music I thought was catchy until I learned it was AI. What tipped me off of course is the artist had no pictures of herself anywhere. Just AI generated art and one headshot that was clearly not real. A few days later I saw their whole profile had been deleted off YouTube.

The most baffling to me is when I see people post AI selfies on social media and then accept compiments for how great they look or about whatever event they AI'd themselves into. I have become quite the shut in as I've gotten older, but I still value real experiences. My wife and I don't get out a lot, but when we do we make it count with something fun and memorable. Real memories and real experiences. Not a fake AI thing that never happened. This whole thing reminds me of Total Recall with Arnold Schwarzenegger where they did the memory implants of vacations and adventures. Hell, we already have stupid Waymo/Johnny Cabs, so we aren't too far behind that dystopia of memory implants and paying for air; or at this rate, water with how data centers are siphoning it all up.

Anyway, I got off track there, but its around 5 a.m. And I can't sleep so you guys are stuck with my rambling. I know I'm guilty of using AI art and even doing AI poems and things with the AI art in the past. It all feels rather silly now, but if I'm honest it's because I doubted my own ability to do those things to start with. So I started learning art and using art to build my writing and blogging and they have complimented and strengthened each other. I'm just glad I had the courage to step out and learn something new. The thing is, its work. I draw and/or write something every single day. Even if its a short journal entry on my phone. I try to get some words in or a sketch or doodle. Every time you pick up a pencil you are honing your skill.

The problem with AI is it takes away that learning curve and gives people the illusion of competence or skill. If I lost my tablet, I could still draw or paint using pens or markers. I may not be able to do some tricks I use on my tablet, but the vibe and style wouldn't change. Neither would the art's captions. No AI creator can say that. Even if I never win a single award or sell another print, that alone is something to be proud of.

So, I guess the message here is be real. Do the hard thing and make real things. Not only will people love you for it, but you'll love yourself more than you thought possible. Don't be afraid to take the steps, to try the thing and make mistakes. Some of my best work came directly from one of my mistakes. A few of my art mistakes people liked better than my personal favorite pieces. Just run with it and don't over think it. I'm in my fifties and I'm learning. I don't believe the line “you can't teach an old dog new tricks.” If I'm breathing, I'm learning. Maybe that's an autistic thing, but I think its more of a human thing. We just have to drop our fear and charge forward.

I've had a couple different versions of blogs over the past year. I was on Ghost platform for quite a while, but that site can be expensive with their monthly fees and there was no real way to integrate it with my art store front. 

Shopify had a blog feature, but it was clunky and not really built for that. I don't want to use Substack or Beehive as they are just pretty much more corporate owned social media platforms. Then I found Fourthwall which is geared toward artists and creators. It has blogging, memberships and ecommerce all built right in. 

I don't charge for memberships or to read my blog at this time, this is just kind of a thing I do, because I enjoy it and I want people to look at my art site and get to know me as part of their decision to connect with or purchase my art. 

I saw an interesting take on threads. As physical media is becomming more popular, DVDs, paper books and Vinyl records, they said the return to blogging will become like the physical media of the internet. Because the creators own their content and their followers/subscriptions. If Facebook deleted my account tomorrow or went under, all my friends and followers would be gone as well. If you follow me here, we can stay in contact as long as we both choose to do so. 

I liked that view and I think it had something. I've been trying to build a community away from socials for awhile. Not that I am leaving social media, I just don't want to always rely on it for everything. I know everyone now is monetized and trying to capitalize on that, but I noticed with my own monetization, the more people they allow in, the less the payouts are and their metrics and goal posts are always moving. 

I'd rather control my own content, own my content, my art and my data and rely on art sales and maybe premium subscriptions at some point, instead of pennies from Meta. 

Maybe I'm old and sounding like a boomer, but I don't think so. I just see the way things are going with the consolidation of media and I don't like how things are looking. So trying to get out in front of it. Maybe its a great idea, maybe I'm full of shit, but I'd rather try on my own than just see what happens unprepared. 

If you're a creator, I highly suggest starting a blog offsite of the main socials, that includes Patreon as they have shifted their own TOS to crack down on various types of content over the years. Not saying Fourthwall is right for everyone, but its mostly free to set up unless you want some extra perkrs or benefits, then its about 20.00 a month. 

Ghost was around 30 or more a month after the free trial. Shopify is 40 a month for basic and not really setup for blogging. A lot of people like substack, but I found it too noisy and most the blogs there were about how to get rich on substack. I guess if you are already a big name with a big following, it can be a good place. But I also saw people like Andrew Tate and other far right creators being recommended next to regular independent journalists, so that's a thing. 

Here the only thing next to my content is my own art and merch But like I said, look through things, shop around and find what works best for you. I don't claim to be any big authority, I just have been trying to find the perfect landing place for over a year. Maybe I'm too manic, but I have little patience for paying a lot out of pocket for a site that isnt' working. 

In the end, I think blogging will come back. Honestly I think the internet is a better place when it is more decentralized and we all have our own little corners to make our own, than everyone on the same cookie cutter sites. I'm also available if anyone has any questions about Ghost, Shopify or Fourthwall. Even Substack I may have some input as I've tried them all. In the meantime, try things out and see what works best for you and make sure to let me know where you land so I can follow you all there!

As long as I can remember, I've been the oddball. Even as a kid, I had 1 or 2 actual friends but never a real friends group in school. I tried most of my school years to fit in. One more popular kid asked me to come over once to help set up for his birthday party the next day. Only as I left, to have him and his mom tell me not to show up myself because I wasn't invited. 

I won't list all of the slights I had as a kid, I'll just say it was common and frequent. As an adult it hasn't been much different. I always think I found a new community and things are good for a bit, but either I end up feeling some kind of ick about how things are going, or I end up being disregarded later. 

I don't say all of this for sympathy. I'm used to it and have just learned to cope. I have my amazing wife and we do a lot of fun things and adventures together and that's all I really need. Though some outside friends would be fun at times too. 

One Facebook friend who enjoys my art told me that I seemed like a giant energy forced into a human body and trying to figure out where I fit in. That summed things up a lot. Most of my life I've been told I'm too much, or have too big a personality or too much energy. Now, at 52, I'm not sure how much energy I have, especially on my psych meds, but apparently its more than enough for most crowds. 

I also have been told my authenticity scares people. Most people truly are fake, so when they meet someone who is real and raw it just freakst them out. I share all of this because I hope it resonates with someone else out there. As far as how to fix or change it, I truly don't have any profound advice. I found my person, so that helps immensely. I can't imagine not having her to spend every day with. 

I just hope all my friends out there who are neurodivergent can find that person, activity or thing that makes you feel accepted and content. I know not everyone needs companionship and that is fair and valid also. I'm just sharing my own experience. It would be nice if people could just be real and hold adult conversations, but the older I get the more I learn that scares most adults, including others my age. 

All I can say is that we don't let anything plug up or dampen our energy. Any person or group who accepts us as we are. If that doesn/t happen I guess we just need to unleash that energy onto the world and let it go where its needed the most. 

A 2015 study of people's listening habits on Spotify found that most people stop listening to new music at age 33 and a 2018 report by Deezer found it be to at age 30. I have to say for years I kind of fell into this trap. I was into a lot of metal and hard rock as a youth and early adulthood and into my 30s that continued. I couldn't get into any new bands for some reason, It felt like I tried but just couldn't click with anything in my mid thirties. 

The catalyst was my divorce. It was hard, and ugly and a custody fight was involved. I found some of the stuff I was listening too became way too dark and depressing for the place I was in. It may help some people, but for me it just sent me even further down. 

It was during that time I started listening to Taylor Swift. Over time I started leaning more into pop music which did help my moods significantly. It turns out a lot of what was holding me back on trying out different genres was my fear of what people thought. I had this outdated view of manhood and masculinity and felt I needed to only listen to the hardest music or I was some how not manly or tough enough. I realized this was a silly thing to worry about. 
None of the people I was worried what they would think of me even bothered to check in on me during that time. Over the years, I started also getting into Sabrina Carpenter, Olivia Rodrigo and Dua Lipa among some of the bigger names. 
Tik Tok has given me access to a lot of indie artists of all genres, including metal, punk, and pop. Some I listen to more than others, but there are a lot of hidden gems out there if you are looking. 

My current fixation is Taylor Momsen and the Pretty Reckless. I disovered them a few years ago and excited to see their new album coming out soon and seeing them in concert in July. 

I know there is this propensity to say new music all sucks and new artists suck. But then we start soundling like our parents and grandparents when we were kids. I feel listening to newer stuff has actually helped me keep a younger mindset and has encouraged me to get out of the house more, even though I may be the oldest person at 52 at some events. Most people think its cool seeing older folks out and about having fun. 
When I got Pretty Reckless tickets, I could have seen them opening for AC/DC here in San Antonio or playing solo in Austin. I chose Austin. I used to love ACDC and still like some of their music, but I would have rather seen them in concert in the 90s when both them and me were younger. I saw Metallica in 1994 and it was an amazing show. I paid 20.00 for tickets. Pretty sure I wouldn't even be able to afford their tickets today and they are well into their 60s.  AC/DC is even older and not trying to be ageist, but I'm glad I saw Metallica in their prime. Though I know they still put on a good show, it just would feel different to me to see them now when I have such amazing memories of that 1994 show. 

I'm not trying to convince anyone of anything in particular. Just sharing my own experience. But I will say there is a lot of cool new music out there by some talented artists if we give them a chance.

I haven't had a proper blog in a while. I usually post on Facebook now as that is monetized, but I usually get pennies per post, or post it here and own the content. I thought of moving my old blogs over, but decided that was both a lot of work, and I just wanted a fresh start as some of them were over a year old. 

On Facebook I've been talking about my recent journey into physical media, especially CDs and vinyl records. I still use my phone a lot. Like today I'm out of town writing from a library and taking my portable CD player and CD case would have just been to cumbersome, though its become my preferred way to listen. 

For one, I actually enjoy handling the CDs. I feel like I'm holding something real and tangible in my hands as I set it up to play. Second is more complex.

I have been and still am very much a Taylor Swift fan. However, I've been backing away from the Swiftie communities. I've made a lot of great friends and will remain so, just feel there is too much toxicity and infighting. Plus I think a lot of people who call themselves Swifties don't even like Taylor. They just invoke her name for clout. 

I've already picked up quite a CD collection. I also collect vinyl, but those cost way more and I can't carry vinyle around to listen to so easily. Plus my wife doesn't care for some of my rock music, so portable disc player works fine. 

Which brings me to another point, I'm rediscovering rock and roll music. I grew up a metalhead pretty much and got into Taylor during my divorce. All that is fine and because of my depression at that time and unresolved  bipolar hard rock and metal just didn't resonate and tended to make my anxiety and depression worse. So I just kind of turned out for years though I did see Iron Maiden in 2016 and Ghost in 2018. 

This year we'll be seeing The Pretty Reckless in Austin which I'm really excited over. Though its still hard to believe Taylor Momsen was Cindy Lou Who in The Grince. I also apparently have a thing for female singers named Taylor, but that's something for my therapist to evaluate. 

One thing listening to CDs, I'm more open to try new things. For some reason with streaming, I'm more picky about what I click on. But in a record store I see a CD with cool art or its a band I heard about but haven't tried yet, I'm more likely to buy the CD than click on a streaming link for five minutes. I don't know if that is just me or if we are just wired to be more adventurous when we are actually investing in our music and media. 

I've also rediscovered the album. For years I listened to indivual songs and playlists. Now I listen to an antire album all the way through and notice some songs tied in or there is a running theme throughout the album you don't pick up just listening to it piecemeal. I think this is how we were intended to take in music. 

The last thing is just plain sound. CDs sound better than streaming. I thought it was in my head, and my wife suggested as much, but I did some research on this and my autistic brain found that when music is put into an MP3 or streaming file, components of the digital file are removed in what is called compression. This kills the sound. For years I went through all types of headphones because everything sounded tinny or like it was in a tunnel. That or I thought my hearing was going. 

Turns out its the compression. First time I put on a CD in years my ears were almost blasted off my head. Also the vocals are clearer and sharper and I can pick up a lot more with background vocals and instruments I couldn't before. We are hearing it the way the artist intended. Not a compressed and repackaged and distributed into the ether hoping we snatch it out of the air to listen to whats left of it. 

One last addendum is the record store experience itself. We've been to three of them and two have been amazing. One was stuck up, one was very accomodating and the one close to my house, Flip Side Record Parlor, is a whole ass vibe and a blast to hang out in. Roman the owner is a cool guy who will tell you story after story if you have a minute. And a record store is place you go to hang out, not just grab and go. Something also good for my mental health as I tend to isolate and stay at home, this forces me into the world and to interact in a positive way. 

So, this has been my experience. Thank you to those of you who have made it this far. I'll write more soon. I'm happy to be blogging again. Posting on Facebook is ok, but I like feeling like what I say is mine. Thank you all again. 

I have been doing really well lately about not moving my site around in awhile. But the cost of Shopify got to be a bit too expensive. So now I'm here on Fourthwall. I didn't migrate my blogs this time as I've been through a lot the past year and want to do a fresh start. So we'll see how it goes. Thank you to everyone joining me on this journey. 

Some things I will blog about will be 

CD's, Vinyls and physical media

Lots of art

Mental health and spirituality

if all that sounds cool to you, hit that subscribe button and join me on this ride!