The Slow Motion Sunday Struggle and Counting our Wins

As I get older, things get harder. That’s just the way of things. I remember my dad at 51 was a lot more efficient with manual labor, but he was a mechanic for his trade. I’m a paralegal by trade and writer and artist as my side hustles for now. None of these things are super physically taxing. So, when I do try to do physical things, it hurts. A lot.

Mind you, when I was younger I was much more active. I played football and wrestling in high school. I joined the Marines right out of high school for four years. That was the best shape I had ever been in in my life, I probably could have literally moved mountains back then. I worked other jobs over the years that were quite physical, but once I got into my late 30s and 40s I had to slow down. My knees were rickety and my back isn’t what it used to be.

So today I went to tackle our back room. From company during the holidays, we kind of turned it into storage. But our house is tiny and we now need it for other things, so I went to move stuff out of there. That lasted all of twenty minutes or so. It didn’t help I had to move some extremely heavy tubs full of clothes and things. But me being 51 and not a wildly physical person, it all wore me out.

Now, I still call today a win for a few reasons. One year ago I weighed 350 lbs and couldn’t go down a flight of stairs without almost passing out. Out of concern for my weight, my doctor put me on Wegovy last year and I’ve so far lost 50 pounds. I still have about 50 more to go, but I’m much more mobile than I used to be and simple tasks don’t tired me out like in the past. So I got several tubs moved out of the back room and got a lot of miscellaneous items off the floor and its not walkable at least.

My goal is to go back there every day and move a few things until I get it cleaned out. I figure there isn’t a deadline and no point in killing myself over it. When I was younger I’d always try to push through and work until complete exhaustion. These days that line is pretty short, so no point in hurting myself. So I try to count this as a win. I got a lot accomplished and got a good start on it, I’m a little sore but not so tired I’ll sleep the rest of the day like I used to do.

I guess being neurodivergent that is what I have to teach myself is counting my wins, and taking them as small victories in small steps over big massive accomplishments. Simple things feel really overwhelming. Walking out there and seeing boxes stacked in that room was overwhelming, but I made a good dent in it. So, we’ll go from there and break things down into smaller, simpler tasks I know I can accomplish, each one is a win.

Anyway, I’m kind of rambling now. My point here I think is, don’t push yourself too hard and recognize your wins. Even the small stuff is wins. Don’t be afraid to accept your win and congratulate yourself. That could be cleaning up something, building a project, writing a blog or book, any progress at all is a win, because its forward progress. Even taking a day to rest can be a win, because you’re recovering and regrouping to go again. In this world of move fast and break things and hustle culture we put way too much pressure on ourselves, even as we age to do way too much. This I think is why since I turned 40 I saw several people in my age group keel over literally from working themselves to death. My older brother did at 50, I’m positive over work and stress played a large role in his death. I promised myself that won’t happen to me.

That’s the moral of my story here. Pace yourself, do what you can, and take your wins. Anything you can do is enough. You are enough. A step forward is a win, and you are all winners.

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