Echoes of Helheim: A Norse Pagan’s Struggle with Mental Illness

I became a Norse Pagan about a year or so ago, but I’ve been a pagan on some level for around five or six years. I’m not sure how I stumbled into Norse paganism, I kind of just follow the voices. Though with mental illness that can be scary, but its not like audible voices, its like a nudging from the gods or spirits pulling me into a specific direction.

One thing that gets a lot of attention in Norse Paganism is Valhalla where dead warriors go after death. Its like heaven for warriors. Except most nordic folk didn’t go there. Since you have to die in battle, most go to Helheim which is more of a mellow place of rest and your spirit is existing for eternity. Though I believe reincarnation can happen after a time of rest.

There are other parts of the mythology on death I don’t know all about but have some of my own views I won’t totally go into. Some may think my mental illness factors into my spirituality. Maybe it does. It gives me peace either way. Its navigating the two things and not sounding like a crazy person that can be the balance.

Its Gonna Get Weird

This is what I tell my therapist when I talk about things and my supernatural experiences. I usually follow it up with “Ok, now don’t commit me.” But he’s usually pretty understanding and open to different beliefs and faiths as long as I’m not hurting anyone. I’ve told him about rituals I’ve done and experiences I’ve had and visions while meditating. This is the first time I ever really posted about this or blogged about it. My art is a big reflection of the things I see in my head in various ways.

The Thin Line Between Spirituality and Mental Health

Since starting this journey, my mental health and pagan journey both started around the same time. So to me, they are both a major part of healing process and my overall wellness. I still take my medication and see my therapist once or twice a month, but my pagan practice is also a big part of all of that. The medition, the centering the grounding all plays into to me remaining stable. Though early in my pagan path, my wife got a little worried because as my autism led me into completely absorbing myself into pagan witchiness where it was all I read about or talked about 24/7 for a while and she felt like they were losing me.

So I dialed it back some, because finding balance is extremely important when you’re neurodivergent. It can be easy to just disappear into a hobby or spirituality or whatever you take up.

I was a staunch atheist before my paganism. It was months after I had a major mental health crisis and was trying to put the pieces back together I saw some signs which led me to start questioning things and reading up on what seeing crows and other animals doing strange things might mean, and I was soon off and running. I will tell you the first time I connected with a deity it was a highly moving and overwhelming experience.

Thor’s Lessons vs. Therapy’s Lessons

I felt really connected with Thor this past year which may sound crazy. No, not the Marvel character but the actual god. I thought it was a mistake at first because I’m definitely not a warrior. I’m old, I’m fat, I have no cardio and cry when I’m yelled at. But he revealed to me, warrior is a mindset. I’m a fighter. I’ve been through the wringer and survived and thrived. No matter what life throws at me I battle my way through and that is the kind of warrior Thor has honor for.

I was reluctant to embrace Norse paganism at first because there are so many “cringe” folks out there who think they are actual Vikings because they have blond hair and think they are literal warriors ready for some imaginary combat. That isn’t me. I accept everyone and love everyone. I just want to have some kind of success and happiness in life.

Is This a Sign from the Gods or Just My Brain

This part is the tricky part. With bipolar, I see or feel something and my brain is off and running. It could be very easy to think everything is a sign. So, I had to teach myself to always stop and process everything and see what my insides were telling me and if it persisted, then I knew I needed to dig deeper and see if someone was trying to tell me something.

The Pagan Approach to Madness: Berserkers, Seers, and Sacred Chaos

One thing I always wondered if back in those old old times, seers, prophets and fortune tellers, if they were also neurodivergent. Did that give them special insight? Or did they just not know what was happening? I know a common view is back then they lacked knowledge and science so assumed things were supernatural. I think there is something to that. I think we also are wired for spitirituality. I believe its in our temporal lobes. So knowing that, I think neurodivergent people see the world and the other worlds differently and we can sense things that others can’t. Not saying its a superpower, but it our minds are accessible to things the neurotypical mind isn’t. I think this is why some people are such hardcore skeptics and others are more open to different experiences. I’m not talking about going off the deep end and joining a cult and drinking Kool Aid, but noticing signs and visions for what they are.

In the end, like I said earlier its all about finding that balance. Knowing when we need to stop and explore if what we’re seeing and feeling is something supernatural or something in our heads. My mind regularly goes 1000 miles per hour, even on medication. So I’ve gotten into practice of sorting through different things to be sure what I’m experiencing. It can be a challenge, but once you find that balance between spiritual health and mental health, your life can be so much richer and magickal.

The post Echoes of Helheim: A Norse Pagan’s Struggle with Mental Illness first appeared on The Artsy Brain.