I’ve struggled with weight my entire life. Since I was a teenager, I’ve been over weight. I joined the Marines at 17 thinking they would whip me into shape, and they did, for awhile. I was a slim 190 lbs most of my four years in. I was only out for a few months when I started putting weight on again. I was over 300 lbs by the time I was in my 30s. No amount of dieting, gym, running or anything would help for any long term.

Weight as a Moral Failure

Growing up Gen X, weight gain was seen as a moral failing. We were told by teachers, counselors and classmates that we were lazy, or sat around shoving junk food into our faces all day and all night. Truth was, I played football and was on the wrestling team until my Junior year in High School. I only quit due to repeated knee injuries.

So heading into the Marines, I was still overweight, and was designated as a “diet private” for my first two months in. They spray paint red stripes onto your PT shirts so they know you’re a fatbody. They would call us things like pork chop, Gomer Pyle (from Full Metal Jacket) and other less nice names. In the fleet, when I struggled with staying under weight, I had one sergeant suggest taking me off base and just putting a bullet in my brain, because being dead is better than being fat.

Years later, when we were tubing on the river, my tube got stuck on some rocks. A group of passing college kids pointed and laughed calling me a beached whale. One thing I’ve learned, is that no matter how politically correct or body positive someone claims to be, fatness is always open season. Especially if its someone you don’t like. Then its especially encouraged.

The Start of the Journey

In 2015, my insurance covered my getting lap band surgery. I opted for that over the gastric sleeve because it seemed less invasive. I lost around 100 pounds or more following that surgery and felt great for a long time.

The problem is, the band needs constant adjustments and the clinic we got it done at went suddenly out of business. We checked with other clinics to be told no one does the band anymore so our only option would be the sleeve. So back the weight came and then some.

Over the years, things like Ozempic and other GLP-1s came on the market. I didn’t think we could afford it so never considered it for years. Until we went to a Pink concert in 2023. As I was walking up the massive stadium stairs, I felt tired, but must have looked worse. Everyone at every level was asking me if I was ok. One lady asked if I needed to sit down. I didn’t realize how awful I must have looked; I was huffing pretty good though.

So that week we asked our doctor about GLP-1. Turns out she could get it for us through a compounding pharmacy for a faction of the retail cost. So, I began my most recent journey. I initially lost around 75 pounds and got down to about 295. I was pushing 380 when I started. Then we hit some snags. I missed a few weeks because of money issues and just getting busy with life. I gained around 20-30 pounds back. I’ve been maintaining at 325 for a few months now but finally getting back on track at my therapeutic dosage. Hopefully this will be the kick I need to make my goal.

Genetics isn’t My Friend

In talking to my dad, he told me genetics wasn’t on my side. My mom and her mom were all almost 400 lbs at various times. I have several cousins who are also greatly overweight. Its not a moral failing. My own body fights against me at every step of the way. I try not to let it fuck with my head. For most of my life I hated myself and how I look and assumed everyone else was judging me too. Some people are, but those people are the assholes of the world. Good people see me beyond my weight, but as a real person.

I saw a quote recently, it said “Everyone won’t like you, not everyone matters.” I try to remember that when someone is shitty to me. So here I am almost 53 years old, finally learning to accept my body while also working to improve my weight for my own health. We’ll see where this takes me.